DAY-8 HASSI MESSAOUD, 06TH JUNE 2359 HRS

MATERIALISTIC LIFE AND HUMAN BEHAVIOUR

Today was as usual but one mail has stirred me completely. I am reproducing it here:

I wish to share this thought provoking mail with you which I came
across:

While a man was polishing his new car, his 4 yr old son
picked stone & scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand & hit it
many times, not realizing he was using an iron wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to
multiple fractures. When the child saw his father....

with painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers
grow back?'

Man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to car and
kicked it a lot of times.
Devastated by his own actions...... sitting in front of
that car he looked at the scratches, child had written
'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide....

Anger and Love have NO LIMIT - choose the latter to have a
beautiful & lovely life....

THINGS are meant to be USED and PEOPLE are to be LOVED,
...but the problem of today's world is that...
People are used
& Things are loved!!!

WHY WE HAVE BECOME SO MUCH PLASTIC….??? ARTIFICIAL???

PLEASE GIVE YOUR SOME VALUABLE COMMENT ONTO THIS.

Lot of thoughts came into my mind and tried my best to recollect point by point and put it here in words~

Being materialistic is one trait and clinging to it (possessive) is another. One such aspect of human nature is the desire "to want" or "to have". Throughout our lives we gather materials or things. First , it is something we need. Later we look for something we "want". When we get what we "want", we treasure it. And so life goes on. I think it finally comes to whether you have the things or they have you?!?

What was once a luxury is now become a necessity. So may be I am not totally at fault...after all I am not a saint to develop a non materialistic nature. But, I’ll certainly remember that the best things in life aren't things :)

As famous author Mark Twain once said “Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.”

We need the proper anger management when we are dealing with the children. As in the above case father has beaten child and later committed suicide since, already he broke his child’s fingers. So, instead of breaking if he would have criticized his behaviour privately then it would have different situation and they might be living a happy life.

Following points every parent must note when dealing with their children~

1. The goal of proper criticism is to get your message across to your child. That means you have to have a message. If you don't have an idea you are trying to convey, then all you are doing by criticizing your child is venting your own anger and frustration. You will do nothing positive for your child, and your child will not change his behaviour in the future. Remember, your goal with criticism is to educate, not to punish or embarrass or to seek revenge against the child. When you criticize you must have something you are trying to teach.

2. You must give rebuke. It is your obligation as a parent. The point is that it should be given in a positive manner. To do this you must satisfy a number of conditions.

3. This is critical. Direct your criticism toward your child's behaviour. It has to be clear to your child that it is the behaviour that upsets you, not him.
   

4. Children get their sense of who they are from what others tell them. When a parent gives a child a label, this label will eventually stick, with disastrous consequences.

5. It will be hard enough on your child to have to bear your criticism. You should do everything you can to spare him the embarrassment of having you rebuke him in front of others.

6. Your child has to know what he did was wrong. He should also be given the opportunity to redeem himself by correcting his mistake. You should have suggestions how the child can correct the wrong. This will give your child the message that he can't hurt others and just walk away. He must say he's sorry or do the victim a favour. It gives him a chance to take responsibility for his actions. It also allows him to put the misdeed behind him and go on.

7. This is vital. Criticism is a gift. It is a gift of knowledge, it is a gift of values. But it is an unwanted gift. Still, it is a gift nevertheless. No one wants to hear criticism. Our goal when we give criticism is to do it as painlessly as possible so it will be received properly.

8. It must be clear when you deliver your message that you are doing it for your child's sake. If your child knows that what you are saying is because you love him, the message will be better received.

9. If you are angry, all the child will hear is the anger. The message that comes through is, "You don't like me." Nothing else will be heard. It must be clear to your child that the reason you are criticizing him is because you love him and want what is best for him. You cannot let the message get blurred out by the static of your emotions.

10. This is not easy. It is easy to write about it and to read this when no one is around and things are calm. It is much harder to apply this idea when there is a tumult going on and the tensions are high. Still we have to acknowledge at least the proper way to do things. Or else we will never be successful.

The purpose of criticism is to correct future behaviour. If it is clear to the child that he did something wrong and if the child feels bad about what was done and he is not likely to repeat it, there is nothing added by acknowledging his misdeed.

If more thought invoking suggestion are there then they are most welcome..plz do write to me.

Now time to sleep...have a wonderful night...sweet dreams...:)

MANOJ KUMAR OJHA